Miss Sididdy

Management

2010-02-23T11:36:00.003-06:00

I'm a great manager. No, seriously. No bragging, I am. It is what I've always done. I get things done and people like to work for me.

When asked, in an interview, what I thought made me a good people manager, I said consistency.

I think it is imperative that you be consistent. If two people are both twenty minutes late, they can expect the same repercussions. No favorites. I use a discipline matrix. For every infraction, there is a non-waivering, pre-determined consequence. Whether it be tardiness, internal theft, or a dress code violation... you will never find me letting one employee get away with it, while reprimanding another employee for the same thing.

It works. Why then, in my personal life, do I not use these same principles?? Why is my reaction different from one person to the next when they break plans? Why can I drop a guy I just started seeing without a second thought and be furious if he continues to call after I said I was done... but in the same breath allow my ex to do this to me repeatedly?? Maybe because I have more invested in him?

Well, Sididdy, that doesn't make much sense. I mean, if I was investing in a product, and it wasn't giving me the results I wanted... I would discontinue using it. I wouldn't throw money into a stock for two years as I continue to watch it be less and less consistent. So, why do I keep throwing all of my energy into a "sinking stock" of a relationship just because I've already invested some?

I've decided that I will begin managing my personal life in the same way I manage my professional life. No, I will not be creating a matrix, lol... I'm not that type A... but I will continue to determine what is a priority to me..... and what qualifies somebody for an oral warning as opposed to immediate termination.

In a small town, everything comes full circle.

2010-02-23T09:27:00.008-06:00

I glance at my watch, it is 3:35. Shit. I have 25 minutes to get Olivia and I dressed and catch Sonic Happy Hour. We throw on our clothes, I buckle her in the carseat and climb into my car, put the key in the ignition and turn... click, click, click... nada. FUCK.

Really? My car isn't gonna start? I'm already mid project on my cutlass... my crown vic can't NOT start. FUCK. I climb out and reluctantly dial my Ex... He's the only way I know how to get in touch with the mechanic. He picks up... says the mechanic (Bobby) is with him and as soon as they finish working on his car, they'll come over and take a look at mine. Good. That was easy.

Fast forward three days... my Ex is on some serious bullshit. He's made excuse after excuse... and they still have not been out here to look at my car. He tells me he can't get in touch with Bobby and that Bobby is bullshittin. Great.

Plan B. I dial Olivia's Dad. Tell him I need someone to look at my car... He says he'll find someone.

Five hours later, my phone rings.. It's Olivia's Dad... "Hey, I'm up here shooting pool and I just ran into my old mechanic... he has a job he's supposed to be working on, but the guy won't call him back.. he says he can come look at yours first thing in the morning.. I'mma put you on the phone and let you give him directions" ... me: "k"
I proceed to give the mechanic directions to my house. Before hanging up I say, "Oh, I didn't even get your name" ... He replies, "Bobby". Seriously? The same Bobby? Yuuup. I tell him who I am. We laugh. He says he's been getting the run around from my Ex for days and that my Ex refused to give him my number and finally told him I didn't need my car fixed anymore. Did I mention my Ex is a total douche?

The next morning, bright and early, the mechanic shows up with his friend. I take one look at @AlohaPrncess and tell her we need to talk. *we step inside* Me: "ummm... So, dude with Bobby is the guy I don't know who kept messaging me on MySpace a few weeks ago, asking if I wanted to go out sometime. I don't know if he recognizes me or not." We laugh. Small ass town.

My transmission and starter are shot. The mechanic starts working. This is NOT what I wanted to be wrong with my car. Oh well. Turns out, @AlohaPrncess's ex has the same year crown vic and is willing to give me the transmission out of it. Awesome. *puts $800 back in my pocket* It's gonna take about a week, but I'll wait....

Last night, I'm sitting at my kitchen table with the mechanic. His phone rings. It's my Ex. Guess what? His transmission just went out. I guess he'd better sit on his hands and wait a week while HIS mechanic fixes MY car. Ain't Karma a bitch?

Jesus Loves The Saints.

2010-02-04T23:22:00.000-06:00

Peyton Manning, after living a full life, died and went to heaven. When he got to heaven, God was showing him around. They came to a modest little house with a faded Colts flag in the window. "This house is yours for eternity, Peyton," said God. "This is very special; not everyone gets a house up here." Peyton felt special, indeed, and walked up to his house.

On his way up the porch, he noticed another house just around the corner. It was a 3-story mansion with a black and gold sidewalk, a 50-foot tall flagpole with an enormous Saints logo flag, and in every window, a New Orleans Saints towel.

Peyton looked at God and said "God, I'm not trying to be ungrateful, but I have a question. I was an all-pro QB, I hold many NFL records, and I even went to the Hall of Fame."

God said "So what's your point Peyton?"

"Well, why does Drew Brees get a better house than me?"

God chuckled, and said "Peyton, that's not Drew's house, it's mine." :)

2010-02-03T22:15:00.002-06:00

Dear Miami,

The Saints are coming. And so are we, their loyal, long-suffering and slightly discombobulated Super Bowl-bound fans.

While there's still time to prepare -- although a few hard-core Who Dats will begin trickling in Monday, most of us won't arrive until Thursday or Friday -- we thought we'd give you a heads-up about what you should expect.

First things first: You need more beer.

Yeah, we know. You ordered extra. You think you have more than any group of humans could possibly consume in one week. Trust us. You don't.

New Orleans was a drinking town long before the Saints drove us to drink. But it turns out beer tastes better when you're winning. (Who knew?) So let's just say we're thirsty for more than a championship; adjust your stockpiles accordingly.

And look. When we ask you for a go-cup, be nice to us. We don't even know what "open container law" means. Is that anything like "last call"?

It's Carnival season in New Orleans (that's Mardi Gras to you), and we'll be taking the celebration on the road. So don't be startled if you walk past us and we throw stuff at you; that's just our way of saying hello.

Oh, and sorry in advance about those beads we leave dangling from your palm trees. We just can't help ourselves.

February is also crawfish season, and you can be sure that more than one enterprising tailgater will figure out a way to transport a couple sacks of live mudbugs and a boiling pot to Miami.

When the dude in the 'Who Dat' T-shirt asks if you want to suck da head and pinch da tail, resist the urge to punch him. He's not propositioning you. He's inviting you to dinner.

And if you see a big Cajun guy who looks exactly like an old Saints quarterback walking around town in a dress ... don't ask. It's a long story.

We know that crowd control is a major concern for any Super Bowl host city. Our advice? Put away the riot gear.

Reason No. 1: Indianapolis is going to lose, and their fans are way too dull to start a riot.

Reason No. 2: New Orleans showed the world on Sunday that we know how to throw a victory party. We don't burn cars. We dance on them.

Reason No. 3: Even if we did lose, which we won't, leaving the stadium would be like leaving a funeral, and our typical response to that is to have a parade.

Speaking of which: If you happen to see a brass band roll by, followed by a line of folks waving their handkerchiefs, you're not supposed to just stand there and watch. As our own Irma Thomas would say, get your backfield in motion.

And hey, Mister DJ! Yes, we know you've already played that stupid Ying Yang Twins song 10 times tonight, but indulge us just one more time.

To us, "Halftime (Stand Up and Get Crunk)" isn't just a song; it's 576 points of good memories. It's the sound of a Drew Brees touchdown pass to Devery Henderson, a Pierre Thomas dive for first down on 4th-and-1, a Garrett Hartley field goal sailing through the uprights in overtime.

It's what a championship sounds like. You may get sick of hearing it. We won't. Encore, dammit.

Inside Sun Life Stadium, you may find your ears ringing more than usual. We're louder than other fans. Seven thousand of ours sound like 70,000 of theirs.

Don't believe us? Ask the 12th man in the Vikings huddle.

Some people think it's just the Dome that heightens our volume. But you're about to discover a little secret: We can scream loud enough to make your head explode, indoors or out.

It's not the roof. It's the heart.

Well, OK, and the beer.

Don't be surprised if there are more Saints fans outside the stadium than inside. A lot of us are coming just to say we were part of history, even if we can't witness it up close. The Saints are family to us, and you know how it is with family: We want to be there for them, whether they really need us or not. Because we know our presence will mean something to them, whether they can see us or not.

Come to think of it, seeing as how you're taking us in for the week, we pretty much regard you as family, too. So we're warning you now: If you're within hugging distance, you're fair game.

Hugging strangers is a proud Who Dat tradition, right up there with crying when we win.

Most sports fans cry when their teams lose. Not us. We've been losing gracefully and with good humor for 43 years. Tragedy and disappointment don't faze us. It's success that makes us go to pieces.

Hurricane Katrina? We got that under control. The Saints in the Super Bowl? SOMEBODY CALL A PARAMEDIC!!!

So anyway, don't let the tears of joy freak you out. We're just ... disoriented.

OK. Let's review:

Order more beer. Throw me something, mister. Suck da heads. Wear da dress. Stand up. Get crunk. Hug it out. Protect your eardrums. Pass the Kleenex. Hoist the trophy.

See you at the victory party.

Faithfully yours,

The Who Dat Nation

Let Me Make Something Clear....

2010-01-28T12:54:00.002-06:00

I don't live my life for you.
I don't write my blog for you.
If I wanted or cared for your opinions,
I'd read your blog....
or maybe at least your tweets...
hell, maybe I'd even read and respond
to the tweets you send directly to me...
but, alas, I don't.

But the fact of the matter is that YOU
followed ME on Twitter...
you read MY blog..
You even went so far as to find me on
facebook and make me a part of your
life there too.

The question is why?
Why, with all the negative things you
have to say about me...
do you continue to be so intrigued by me?

It's because those negative things you say...
That's what we around here like to call
HATING.
I'm the girl you WISH you could be.
So, hang out... continue to read..
and this time, take notes.

I'm not saying that I'm better than you.
Although, I can spell simple words...
which you seem to have an issue with...

What I'm saying is,
I'm the type of girl you love to hate.
I'm all the things you wish you could be...
and it drives you crazy.
You watch my style, you mock my behavior,
you study my grammar and my relationships..
and when you realize you can't be me...
you sit, alone, in your shitty apartment
with your unkempt children and all your anger
towards men and look for someone to blame.

You chose to blame me.

You say I'm conceited.
It's the confidence you wish you could have.
You say I'm a whore.
While longing for my level of comfort with sexuality.
You say I'm condescending.
But it's really your intellectual insecurity.
You say I'm online too much.
You're angry because your dead end job and
three children don't afford you the time.
You say I'm ugly.
I focus on the things I find beautiful about myself.
You say I have two sides, and I'm fronting.
My ability to be multi-faceted is something I pride myself on.
You say I act black.
Or is it that I'm embraced by people who shun you?

The truth is you find yourself struggling.
You're unhappy and refuse
to take a long, hard look at yourself.
You're searching for other people to blame.
You concern yourself with what I'm doing
instead of taking personal responsibility
for you and your children.
You blame women like me for not being able to find
a good man.
The way you conduct yourself, and that alone,
determines how much respect you will receive.
The men you date don't know me and I don't shape
how they treat you.
you wanna make this a global problem..
throwing out things like
"You make a bad name for white women
everywhere"
Pull your head out of your ass.
People get disrespected in relationships every single day.
Regardless of color..
Regardless of gender...
Regardless of status...
The problem is in YOUR mentality.
It rarely crosses my mind that my relationship
is interracial.
A man, is a man, is a man.
Maybe if you weren't so busy drawing color lines
and blaming racial differences, you'd get to the root
of the issues.

YOU aren't being respected
based on YOUR actions.
YOU made critical errors in
shaping YOUR life. YOU are
the reason YOU don't have the
life YOU want.

Now, I suggest you go back and re-read my blogs.
Please note:
1. I have TWO college degrees
2. I have ONE child, by ONE man
3. I own my own home, at 28, by myself.
4. I own TWO vehicles, both paid for.
5. I don't have perfect relationships, but before you call me a whore...
ask yourself if you're mad that you don't have options.... recognize that out of the men I write about... 1 is the father of my child, 1 is my ex-fiancee who I was with for almost three years, 1 is the guy I'm currently seeing, and the others I don't even sleep with. Hardly makes me a whore, does it?
6. I have nothing to be ashamed of. I'm proud of the way I live my life and the choices that I make. I put everything out there... so it doesn't make me angry when you discuss it... it makes me angry when you don't read carefully enough and you misinterpret. Your confusion comes in where you are filling in the blanks in a life that you know nothing about.

You might read my blog, but bitch... YOU DON'T KNOW ME.

10:06

2009-12-14T22:06:00.002-06:00

*My phone shivers and glows*

I'm lazy and nonchalant
about picking it up.
It's a text.
Probably from Army guy.
I check it.

My heart stops.
I read it again.
I almost wanna cry.
Happy Tears.
Tears of all of the
frustration
anger
and
heartache
that I've been thru.

It's the text I've waited three years on.

What does it say?
Surprisingly it says:

"Got really busy, I know I said
I was gonna come over tonight,
but I'm not going to make it.
I love you and I'm sorry."

It's THE EX.
And I don't care that he isn't coming.
I didn't expect him to...
but, I'm floored.
Instead of standing me up,
he actually sent a text...
and said he couldn't make it.
Y'all don't understand.
This is a break through.
This is all I've been wanting
for three years...
is for him to just pick up the phone
to just send a text
to just let me know
when his plans change,
when he's running late,
when he isn't going to be able to make it.
I've begged.
I've cried.
I've screamed.
I've nagged.
and finally,
FINALLY.
He shows consideration.
He thinks of me.
He's apologetic.
He's up front.
He's honest.

Obviously,
I realize that a man
that deserves me,
who is worthy of having me
love him the way I loved
THE EX,
wouldn't have to be asked even once to
do these things...
He wouldn't break plans.
He'd answer his phone.
He'd call if he was running late...
but it's just nice...
that maybe, he finally gets it.
Even if it's way too late.

9:08

2009-12-14T21:09:00.002-06:00

Army guy.
*angry sigh*

He texts:
"So guess you don't like me anymore"
I don't respond.

He calls.
I hit ignore.

What happened to:
"not bothering me ever again"?
Full of shit.
Believing that
I could ignore him and he'd go away
was wishful thinking.
This is going to require more thought.
For now,
I'm gonna keep ignoring him
a little while longer....
and hopefully,
he'll give it up.

Soundtrack to Last Night

2009-12-14T20:10:00.003-06:00

7:26

2009-12-14T19:26:00.002-06:00

When it comes to staying away from THE EX,
I'm a failure. =(

I don't even know how it happened.
I went from going to take a nap,
by myself
to
being captive in his arms for almost
24 hours.

It was amazing.
It was like old times.
The problem with that...
is that I'm three years older now.
I don't have time for
the things we used to do...
I'm too old to live my life that way.

Sometimes, it's just amazing..
to be with someone who knows you inside out.
where you can completely be yourself.
where no effort is required...
when you can just lay there...
and every breath you take,
is perfectly in sync.
where every move is perfectly orchestrated,
like a dance you've done a million times before...
when you reach for something before he ever asks for it
when you finish each other's sentences.
when making love has no awkward moments,
your bodies just melt into each other
and you know every inch, and exactly what to expect
and it's everything you dream of...
until the next morning.
when reality hits
and sober thoughts take over...
and you remember that it just can't be...
that on paper, it just doesn't work...
and so you hold each other tight one more time...
and go your separate ways again...

4:16

2009-12-13T16:16:00.002-06:00

People irritate the fuck outta me.
boone calls and asks
if it would be okay if he came over
and hung out in
about an hour.
Two hours later,
no word from him.
I call.
He doesn't answer.
What the fuck?
I don't even like this guy.
How do you get stood up by someone
who INVITED THEMSELVES over to your house?
I really couldn't give two shits
about seeing him.

The point is,
I'm a person of my word.
If I say I'm coming,
I am. I do.
AND I'm on time.
AND if I so happen to be running late,
I PICK UP THE FUCKING PHONE AND
I CALL AND TELL THEM THAT!

I make my plans around
what I've agreed to do.
Someone else running late throws
MY ENTIRE DAY off schedule.
Dinner time.
Olivia's nap.
Bath time.
All out of whack if
I have to adjust my plans for a
selfish, inconsiderate piece of shit.

Grrrr.
He calls right back.
Says something came up
and that it'd be another hour.
I tell him I have plans
in an hour and that the plans we
made were for over an hour ago.
We'll have to do it another time.

*looks down*

I don't have plans.
I'm not going anywhere,
but I'll be damned
if he's gonna think
that I'm just available
and sitting here at his disposal.
Fuck his entire existence.

What I'm Listening to Today

2009-12-12T23:57:00.002-06:00

Immeasurable Distance Between Us

2009-12-12T14:07:00.003-06:00

Someone shared this with me yesterday. It touched me. So often we feel like nobody understands what we're going through, and then we get proven wrong. I just felt like it was necessary for me to share this with all of you.

Once I could say
The immeasurable distance between is the only space that separates us
But now that space does separate us
A place you found to fill with all sorts of neurosis
Now displaces the immeasurable space meant for us
Until the space became an impassable divide

Then I began to wonder while you wandered
What tomorrow would bring
But not knowing the future
Or what is on your mind
Served to widen this space between us
Creating a crevice
Which became a divide too deep and too wide to fathom

While one disappeared
Each failed to realize
What is missing?

Till two people who were trying to make a life together are no more
The time spent building is no longer salvageable
All because each did not hold the key to close the divide
For how can you reach someone?
When they are too far away for your hands to touch
Or for your voice to reach

Now the person with whom you invested your life to build a life
Is no longer to be found
Shout all you want!
No one can hear you
Because the divide is too much for sound to travel

Till moment by moment
The impassible space that separates has become the foundation for a wasteland
Where all traces of humanity have been erased

As the transition moves
From out of touch to out of reach
What does the horizon hold?

We wait the answer
Counting the moments
Till time fades into the future

As we move forward in separate directions with separate lives
All we can do is watch as the immeasurable distance between us
Has become a distance too great to travel
Back to the other

Robert Neff

Please take the time to visit his site, and enjoy his writing and his art.
http://bit.ly/7SaPan
Thanks so much for allowing me to share this.
Follow him on Twitter @5wa

1:16

2009-12-12T13:15:00.002-06:00

*phone rings*

It's the guy with the wrong number.
Again.
Says he wants to take me to lunch.
Weird.

I mean, we know several people in common.
It's not like he's a complete stranger.
I can't see agreeing to lunch
with someone I've never even met though.
I'm not a fan of blind dates.

I get a beep and tell him I'll call him back.
I'm off the phone now,
and just staring at my phone.
Do I call him back?
Do I take a risk and do this?
*sighs*
I don't think so.
I'm gonna wait and see if he calls back
if I don't call him back.

8:32

2009-12-11T20:31:00.002-06:00

What a difference a few days make.
Still wondering how you kick everyone out of your life,
and three days later they are all back full force.
Men don't take no for an answer very well.

I got flowers from 5xs,
and I might be a fool,
but I think I believe him.
I think THE EX just started a lot of mess.
I think he's jealous of what we have going on.
The more I think,
the more the things THE EX says,
just don't add up.

5xs and I have been having a lot of fun.
Staying up all night talking.
He makes me laugh and I miss that.
he drops everything when I give him
the opportunity to be here.
Things are moving slow with us,
but I think that's best for right now.

Army guy has lost his mind.
I told him not to come over.
I told him I didn't want to see him.
and yet,
He gets in his car and heads this way anyway?!?!
I told him to turn around and not to come.
He didn't like that very much.
Told me he needed to be with me,
That he really wanted to see me.
I still said no.
He said he'd never bother me again.

Fast Forward Two Days

I come home to a two page letter on my front door.
All about how he loves me,
and can't see himself with anyone else.
How he wants me to have his baby
and wants to get married.
I can't do anything but ignore him.
His not taking no for an answer,
is starting to worry me.
We'll see how this plays out.

I had a fun day with Mr. Gin.
Lunch at Wasabi
and a little shopping.
He bought me the cutest boots!
An early Christmas present.
I do like being spoiled,
but the chemistry isn't there...
and I've been honest about this with him.
That there isn't any possibility
of me wanting to be physical with him.
He says that it's fine,
that he just enjoys my company.
*shrugs*
I enjoy his too,
as long as he REALLY isn't expecting more
and doesn't try to flip the script on me later.

Phone call:
Him: Hey. What's up?
Me: Not much, just getting Olivia to bed.
Him: We should hang out soon.
Me: Sure. Whenever.
Him: I'm outside right now.
o_O
Well, come in.... I guess.
Yeah, you guessed it.
The same guy who wants to know
which window is my bedroom window.
I know I make him sound really creepy...
and he is, kinda.
He's a nice enough guy though.
I honestly don't feel in danger.
I just feel like I may need to be more
vocal about not seeing him like that.
He seems to think that we're on track
to start talking on a level that's
not just platonic.
Soooo not the case.

I've spent a lot of time with Olivia's Dad.
Things are good.
He continues to test his boundaries with me,
but we're in the process of developing boundaries.
I've remained firm.
We're becoming really good friends.
We talk about everything.
It's amazing how good of friends you can
become when you take sex off the table.
He's one of my best friends...
and that is going to be a phenomenal thing,
for Olivia.
And when it's all said and done
SHE is what my life is really about.

THE EX remains cut out.
I've taken to forwarding all his attempts
at contact to his new girl.
I broke up with him for a reason.
It's sad to see him do wrong by yet
another girl.
but it reminds me of why I'm done with him.
I know that he loved me as much as he is capable
of loving someone.
He tattooed my name on his arm for Christ's sake,
and he has yet to get it covered up.
I know he isn't over me,
but I have to do my part to STAY being over him.
After today, I don't intend on forwarding anymore texts
to his girl.
I just hope he'll leave me alone.
I thought maybe that doing that would
be a deterrent.
I guess jeopardizing his new relationship isn't
a concern for him.
What more can I do than just ignore him now?

The old, old ex has called and called.
He changed his myspace status to something salty,
directed at me....
He has a girl,
and I don't care how much he misses me,
I don't want to be a part of that mess.
I ran into him yesterday,
leaving from my BD's.
Things were awkward,
I expected him to be more
confrontational.
I escaped without being scolded
for not answering my phone...
or so I thought.
He called from a different number today.
Tricked into talking to him.
Lame.
He interrogated me about not answering my phone.
I just told him I wasn't interested in
keeping in contact and that I had to go.
Hopefully, he'll just drop it.

10:40

2009-12-05T22:40:00.002-06:00

I've been quiet.
There isn't much to report.
I pretty much cut
everyone out.

None of them were right.
I'm starting from scratch.
Beginning to think
that nobody shares my interests
that nobody wants to be in love
that nobody will ever
meet my expectations
or make me smile
or compliment me

I need a change of scenery.
I don't think this is the place for me.
My family would throw a fit if I left.
Mostly because of Olivia...
*sighs*

I wanna scream.
punch something.
I feel stir crazy.
The cold weather isn't helping.
I need to get out of the damn house.
do something.

Dating as a single mother is
virtually impossible.
I think the complexity comes in
because I've never been one of those
mothers who could just drop her kid off
and go out to the bar.
or anywhere for that matter...
What if she wakes up?
and wants me?
and I'm not there?
I'm miserable when I go out...
thinking about her at home.
but the feeling of being a prisoner
in my own home from
8pm to 8am while she sleeps
is suffocating me.
Going out is a catch 22.

apparently, the ways
I've been meeting men aren't working.
I don't know where else to look.
I guess they say as soon as you
stop looking it comes to you.
I'm impatient.
I'm ready for the next phase of my life.
I just want a partner to do it with.
I'm ready to get started NOW.
I suppose I could do it on my own.
I've got the house.
I've got the kid.
I've got the cars.
I just want to build a life together...
with someone....
and I'm tired of waiting on him.

11:03

2009-12-02T23:03:00.002-06:00

my ex attempted to make plans again today
the minute i thought he wasn't gonna show,
i canceled.

i still feel stood up.

we argued on the phone
ended up laughing.
i know i'll see him again
soon.
i just don't know
how soon.

text argument with 5xs
over the things that were said
he denies it all.
he calls and begs for me to talk to him
he texts and says
please pick up
talk to me babe
i stop responding.

texts from army guy.
he's getting on my nerves.
i'm pushing him away
because...
there's just too much pressure.
i don't want a baby.
i don't want a baby.
i don't want a baby.
how many times do i need to say it?

sweet late night texts
from facebook guy.
i know, i thought it was gonna be over.
it should be.
he's taken.
same ole, same ole.

"we fight all the time.
we're never happy.
i don't want to be
the bad guy and have
her friends and family hate me"
to be continued....

new guy.
he's a triplet.
o_O
this could get confusing.
did i mention 5xs is a twin?
do i have a thing for multiples?
=/

4:38

2009-12-01T09:22:00.002-06:00

hung out.
with THE EX.
good times.
no sex.
i don't feel like
as much of a mess this time.

apparently 5xs
has been running his mouth.
in the same circles that
THE EX runs in.

i dare him to text me.
how immature.
you'd really think
that we'd be past that shit.
at this age.
apparently not.
that's cool.
he's been cut off
and that,
my dear,
is more than enough punishment.
trust me.

dear 5xs,
what will you brag about now?
if it was so good...
maybe you shoulda kept your mouth shut.
now mine is.

baby daddy called.
asked me to pay his water bill.
i hung up on him.
bitch, please.

8:49

2009-11-30T18:59:00.000-06:00

Late night call from
my baby daddy.
wants me to come pick him up.
at 11:00pm.
Ummmmm,
HELLO!
our daughter is in bed.
AND it's COLD.
absolutely not.

Early morning text from
THE EX.
He wants to hang out today.
What's with him lately?
He must be fussing with his new girl.
I try to pin him down to a certain time.
He stops responding.

oh....wait.
he's calling.

says he's gonna drop
something off.
handle some business,
and be on his way.
here.
*sighs*
Well,
I know one thing for sure.
He ain't gettin' no ass.

6:00

2009-11-30T15:52:00.002-06:00

Texts back and forth.
with THE EX.
Says i agreed to go to a concert with him.
out of town.
that i should "keep my word".
I won't be guilted into this.
How lame.
I tell him to take his new girl.
He says it wouldn't be right without me.
he'd rather just not go.
I say,
Then don't.
no more texts.

5xs texts.
asks me something random.
i text back.
i'm short.
i called things off.
why is he still texting?
men always want what they can't have.
he texts again.

"whats up mami? tell me something good"

i don't reply.

11:14

2009-11-30T11:14:00.002-06:00

oops.
facebook guy.

i almost forgot.
I gave him the
"we're in different places
we want different things,
let's just be friends"

It's all true.
I suppose,
it could've sounded like this:

"you're young.
I'm grown,
but I like you...
maybe for my little sister..
who still has time for the games"
*shrugs*
nice guy...
maybe if i'm still single in 5 years.

10:58

2009-11-30T10:58:00.002-06:00

we'll play catch-up.
briefly.

I've spent a lot of time with
my baby daddy.
watching movies.
playng football with Olivia.
cooking.
cuddling.
spending the night.
no sex.

sometimes,
I guess...
it's just nice to play house...
and wish things could have worked.
They didn't.
They still don't.

I told 5xs things are over.
He just isn't doing it for me.
Some say I like to rush into things.
I say I know what I want.
and what I don't.
I like a man who is
ready to make a decision.
ready to act on impulse.
dives in head first.
knows what he wants.
5xs is none of these things...
or maybe...
he's just not that into me.

i've ignored calls an texts from
boone
and
the old-old thing.
cut short.
Like I said,
i know what I DON"T want.

Army guy got back in town last night.
He wanted to come over.
I told him no.
I know he wants to have the baby talk again.
I don't want a baby.
How many times do I have to say this??
The pressure to kick him to the curb
is mounting.

My Ex called:
"How good is your memory"
Me:
"damn good"
Him:
"Meet me at our spot at one o'clock"
*click*

*sighs*
I won't be going.
A. I didn't know we had a spot.
I wouldn't even know where to go.
B. So, he just assumes I'm free and will jump to it?
No thanks.
C. I can't see him and let him make a mess of me like last time.

6:59

2009-11-24T06:59:00.003-06:00

i'm awake.
barely.
i didn't sleep well.
i was expecting a call,
so i had to leave my phone on.
the old-old thing called,
a million times.
i pretended to be asleep.
it woke me up.
every. single. time.
after awhile,
it made me furious.
i have a hatred towards him now.
i'm really angry.
don't fuck with my sleep.
i think he's on permanent ignore.
*yawns*
i wish i could go back to bed.
i have things to do.

9:58

2009-11-23T21:59:00.003-06:00

oh shit.
i talked him up.
the old-old thing just called.
i WILL not become his thing on the side.
his girl goes to work at 9pm.
he pretty much called as soon
as she left.
I can't do it.
*hits ignore*

9:41

2009-11-23T21:41:00.003-06:00

been busy. ;)
hung out with my old-old thing.

"oh, that was your man?
i thought i recognized him"
oops.

i don't want it to happen again.
as soon as he left,
i told myself i was cutting it off.

an hour later...
he text.

"can't stop thinking about you
it was so good to see you
can't wait to see each other again"

i didn't respond.

text from 5xs.
"hey beautiful stranger.
you must be mad at me."
I reply
"Why would I be mad?"
He says
"I haven't heard from you in three days"
guess he was counting.
I reply
"well then you must be mad too,
cuz i ain't heard from you either"
*silence*

My Twitter boo makes me smile.
A lot.
shhh... it's a secret.

a few texts back and forth with facebook guy.
about serious things.
how he feels about marriage.
and kids.
and the future.
now, that's potential.
*sighs*
i still don't know his situation.

random text from boyfriend #2
apparently he wants to

"eat my pussy with a spork" =/

a call from boone.
i dismiss it.
o_O

after a brief conversation last night,
i was inspired to hit up another old thing,
"Big O"
via facebook.
i *might* be making plans to go to Chicago...
once football season is over ;)

9:09

2009-11-21T21:08:00.002-06:00

i've been m.i.a. today.
my bad.

i hung out with boone.
briefly.
he scares me.
he asked which window was my bedroom window o_O
i'm gonna try and shake him.
i've got to come up with a plan.

facebook guy and i are making plans.
perhaps,
for another movie tonight.
i'm excited.
i won't let myself get too excited.
yet.
we need to have a conversation.
about his situation.
tonight is the night.
he text and said he should have kissed me.
*smiles*

brief texts with
5xs and army guy.
i think 5xs is about to get cut off.
for real.
i'm beyond annoyed.

11:34

2009-11-21T18:45:00.000-06:00

blur.
my eyes gain focus on the wall.
*yawns*
damn.
my eyes get wide.
laying on my side,
i slowly glance back over my shoulder.
sure enough.
i look back at the wall,
and then back over.

army guy.
i wasn't drunk.
how did this happen?
i was drunk off loneliness?

facebook guy didn't come.
it got late.
i told him nevermind.
he text:

"that's cool. it's late.
i'd prolly end up wanting to
stay with u and kissing u wouldn't help it.
lol"

????
i hate texts like this.
i don't know what he wants.
for me to say come stay the night?
and that i want him to kiss me?
i'm not agreeing to that.
i send back:

"it's hard to say if that is
a good or a bad thing
considering i don't know your situation"

He says he can't wait to see me again
and explain.

army guy and i say good morning.
it feels good to cuddle.
i could like him.
i really could.
i don't want another baby though.
not now.
i'm lost in my thoughts
when he says
"do you go to church?"

fuck.
a conversation about religion?
at seven in the morning?
i'm not up for this.
i've noticed his facebook statuses have been Jesus-y lately.
i don't want to work through my religion issues
with a protestant on my back.
this won't work.
I say:

"yes"
i lied.
about church.
i'm going to hell.
i'm not opposed to church.
let me be clear.
i'm Catholic....
and i have my own issues with it.
I'm sorting through them.
i don't want charismatic influence.
especially not at seven in the morning.

we say our goodbyes.
he leaves.

call from my old-old thing.
the one who lives by my baby daddy.
the one with a girl and two kids.
we make plans.
to watch the Saints game.

boone texts.
asks if i want to chill for a minute.
i tell him i'm having company in a bout thirty.
he says he'll come chill for a sec.
that's the definition of
get in where you fit in.
this dude wants a thirty minute time slot.
smfh.

1:25

2009-11-21T01:25:00.002-06:00

movie is over.
he's gone home.
a little bit of conversation.
i didn't ask about his situation.
he didn't cross any boundaries,
or try anything.
thankfully.

text from 5xs.
says he wants to come stay the night.
i think i'm gonna go to bed and ignore it.

no word from boone.
no word from the ex.

10:25

2009-11-20T21:17:00.002-06:00

he's on his way.
*holds breath*
i'm nervous.
like we haven't met before.
true, in a way..
i'm not the person i was four years ago.
at all.
he doesn't know this person.
and, frankly...
i've never taken the time to get to know him.

i remember how i used to blow him off & stand him up.
back before i'd been hurt.
before i knew what it felt like.
how sad.
he liked me.
and i treated him like shit.
i wonder why he'd even given me a chance again?
*shakes head*
ok.
i need to get ready.

8:04

2009-11-20T19:44:00.002-06:00

black
and
mild
my head spins.
i close my eyes.
prepare myself.
to give someone else a chance.

7:22

2009-11-20T19:23:00.002-06:00

in the process of making plans.
with facebook guy.
i think we're gonna watch a movie.

at my house.

suppose now would be a good time to find my DVD player
and hook it up.

6:41

2009-11-20T18:36:00.002-06:00

mr.gin texts.
says he's out & about.
what's up?

he would not be my first choice.
maybe i'll hang out with him..
if he agrees not to drink this time.

6:26

2009-11-20T18:11:00.002-06:00

guy from facebook hits me back.
says his current status is complicated
am i the only one who thinks this status should just say,
we fight all the damn time.
break-up and get back together.

he asks for my number.
i give it to him.
i'll hear him out on the complications.
*sighs*

6:08

2009-11-20T16:41:00.002-06:00

another text from 5xs.
this time, i respond.
*waits*

phone call from boone.
asks what i'm doing.
i attempt to sound busy.
he takes the bait,
but says he'll call back later.

4:28

2009-11-20T16:17:00.002-06:00

i'm bored.
i scroll thru my phone.
my mind doesn't see names.

i don't even think that's his number anymore.
he's at work.
he lives far away.
i've ignored too many of his calls to call him now.
he's always bull shittin.
he's friends with my ex.
he just wants sex.
we don't get down like that.
i'm still waiting on him to call me back.
i WILL NOT call him.
my ex.
my bd.
my friend's man.
i'm not THAT desperate yet.

despite my calls yesterday
there is nobody in my phone i wanna hang out with.
i'm not comfortable with anyone
like i am with my ex.
god.
this is fucking hard.
i need something to do.
i wish my girls weren't so damn busy.

4:06

2009-11-20T16:06:00.002-06:00

boone calls.
i answer.
he wants to come hang out.
i say yes.
reluctantly.

still ignoring the text from current guy.
he needs a better name.
oh.
i forgot we were calling him 5xs.
originally.
5xs it is.
regardless, i'm still ignoring his text.

text from a guy friend.
i think i'd rather hang with him.

damn,
this is why you don't talk to a guy
who can see your front door from his backyard.
lame.

2:43

2009-11-20T14:43:00.002-06:00

he text me.
tellin me i'm crazy,
but he loves me anyway.

fuck him.

i forward it to his new girl.
she doesn't wanna believe it.
we argue.
i cut it short.
i call him.
tell him not to text,
or else i'll forward it to her.

boone calls.
i don't answer.
not feelin it.

it's raining.
and cold.
isn't it funny,
how the weather always seems to mock your mood?

12:06

2009-11-19T23:37:00.000-06:00

out of the shower.
indian style on my bed.
fan on high.
keeping myself warm with the hair dryer.
for the same reason that
i drive with the heat on and the windows down in the winter.

i spent over an hour on the phone with boyfriend #2
he gives good advice.
he's a mess himself though.

text from army guy.
just another what's up.
this has been going on for days.
this conversation is going nowhere.

current thing didn't come last night.
text me good morning.
i'm ignoring it.

about to make a trip to the grocery store.
ride.
listen to music.
coke.
the usual.

10:20

2009-11-19T22:20:00.002-06:00

phone call from the current thing.
he's "probably" coming over.
i should tell him fuck him and his probably.
but... i want the company.
i won't be a super bitch...
this time.

10:01

2009-11-19T22:01:00.002-06:00

ugly texts back and forth between me and his girl.
she started it. *points like a five year old*
i'm irritated.
i'm viscious.
i'm hateful.
and slightly tacky.

towards the end of the textin,
it hits me.
he's not my problem anymore.
thank her for reminding me of all that i went through.
of how much pain he caused me.
of how many girls called my phone.
or messaged me on myspace.
or some other bullshit.

it hurts, to know he has someone new.
but it's closure.
and i can walk away this time.
he's not my man.
and there's no reason to be jealous...
cuz he just fucked me. ;)

9:05

2009-11-19T21:05:00.002-06:00

Ughh.
i've been busy.
i hung out with my ex from two years ago.
crazy mike.
i call him that, cuz, well... he was crazy.
and an alcoholic.
he seemed good.
he's super cute.
i like his family.
he's from new orleans.
he has a girl.
they have kids.
two.
=/

we can still be friends.
right?
i tell myself this.
i know he wants more.

i hung out with the guy from the next street.
boone.
what kind of a name is boone?
i don't like him.
he bores me.
he would never, ever be able to make me laugh.
i'm sure of this.
next!

still waiting on current thing to confirm plans.
he's irritating me.
grrr.

4:08

2009-11-19T15:25:00.002-06:00

i'm playing with fire.
i've stirred up old flames.
i've created new ones.

there's a guy who lives the next street over.
we've been avoiding getting to know each other.
i know he sees me, he knows i see him.
this game has been going on for months.
i've had my eye on him.
on the way to sonic, i chunked him the deuce.
on the way back, he flagged me down.
he asked for my number.
i gave him my number.
he goes by boone.
i think he lives with his girl.
he says no.

i call an ex from way back.
i bumped into him a few weeks ago.
he lives by my baby daddy.
he gave me his number.
today, i called.
he wants to come over in a little while.
this should take my mind off things.

text replies are slow from my current thing.
he seems interested in coming over tonight.
we'll see what happens....

i touch base with boyfriend #2 from last year.
he seems glad to hear from me.
says he needs to come see my new place.
i say he should.

this should keep me busy for awhile.

3:19

2009-11-19T15:19:00.002-06:00

knock on my door.
my heart races.
i peek out the window.
i can't see anyone.

oh shit.
what if it's my ex?
maybe i really pissed him off this time.
he only shows up uninvited when he's really angry.

i throw on my favorite pink victoria's secret robe.
i head for the door.
i can't breathe.
i'm shaking.

i crack the door and look out.

damn.

i forgot olivia's new bedroom furniture was being delievered today.
i throw on clothes and let them complete their delivery.

2:55

2009-11-19T14:55:00.001-06:00

i send a msg back to the guy on facebook.
the one who confessed his crush on me.
i need an ego boost.
wonder if he's single these days.

2:52

2009-11-19T14:51:00.002-06:00

fuck it.
maybe i'll just have a baby by army guy.
i text him back.
What's up?

2:46

2009-11-19T14:45:00.002-06:00

fresh out the shower.
downloading music.
i need to get ready and go to the store.
it's sonic happy hour time.
coke.

*pouts*

maybe I'm not so happy about being single after all.
the past few days has done a number on me.
i have to quit talking to him.
we've been breakin up since march for christ's sake.
i just wanna meet someone i really like who will take my mind of him.

2:08

2009-11-19T14:08:00.002-06:00

I need an immediate change of mood.
i text my current thing.
he hits me right back.
*deep breath*
i'm gonna try to lock in plans for tonight.
hopefully he won't have plans already.
i need to make a cornerstore run.
i need to relax.

1:59

2009-11-19T13:58:00.002-06:00

i'm a psycho.
*sighs*
looking at a picture he sent a few weeks ago
looked @ the message details.
he sent it to another number too.
i spoof called it.
from his number.
She answered.

madness ensues

8:44

2009-11-19T08:44:00.002-06:00

the reality that i got a text from army guy last night hits me.
morning means i can no longer pretend to be asleep.
i have to face this situation...
but i think i can escape it until after lunch.
unless he texts again...

8:37

2009-11-19T02:11:00.005-06:00

my bills are paid.
my running around is done.
i have no obligations for the rest of the day.
it feels good.
i think i may go back to bed.
i've pacified Olivia with cartoons,
and a plate of eggs, ham and toast.
glass of milk.
my bed is calling me.
i love to be able to crawl back in bed.
i'll be going back to work before i know it.
i should cherish this moment.
curl up under the covers
and resume my texting from last night.

1:59

2009-11-19T01:34:00.000-06:00

i'm retreating to my room.

seeking sleep.

it tries to elude me.

soft covers. down pillows.

i take advantage of stretching out.

but stretching out doesn't feel as good as cuddling up.

1:31

2009-11-19T01:03:00.000-06:00

we make distant, ambiguous plans

for a weekend rendezvous.

that we both know will never come.

12:51

2009-11-19T00:51:00.000-06:00

a text. not from my twitter friend.

from the army guy.

you know, mr. will you have my baby?

at first i'm surprised.

i haven't talked to him much since i said no.

it just says "hey".

i think i'm going to play asleep.

it's late.

and i want to continue my current texting.

12:43

2009-11-19T00:43:00.000-06:00

i text back and forth with the guy i talk to most on twitter at this current second. he makes me smile. and don't y'all be judgin me about textin with my twitter friends. you know you do it too. i love my twitter people. they know more about me than most people in real life. except now, those of you pseudo-voyeurs reading my blog.

12:04

2009-11-18T23:53:00.000-06:00

reruns & twitter chatter. i need to find the remote.

cold sweet tea and my lips and tongue taste grape.

i search for my lighter, to bring inspiration.

i find my flame.

clouds of smoke

i can't sleep.

i'm not ready for the day to be over.

i'm waiting.

i want something exciting to happen.

i won't sleep until it does

i miss late night phone calls with #anon

11:51

2009-11-18T23:45:00.000-06:00

#randomthought

him getting off while i'm on top makes me feel like i've won.

10:41

2009-11-18T21:50:00.000-06:00

online msg from a guy i dated two years ago. it simply read, "pussy please". this guy has got to be kidding me. if i didn't give it to him two years ago, what makes him think he can get it now?? then he follows with a msg to check him out in the pic on his page where he has eight thousand in cash in his hand. what's he trying to imply? that he'll pay for it?? there isn't enough money in the world. *rolls eyes & deletes him from page*

9:45

2009-11-18T18:10:00.000-06:00

i halfway broke rule #2... and by halfway, i mean... i at least didn't think of him. still. i think i'll text the other guy to take my mind off things.

6:07

2009-11-18T18:02:00.000-06:00

i tried to look at you when you were talking to me, but i kept seeing right through you.

4:02

2009-11-18T16:03:00.001-06:00

playlist made.

3:39

2009-11-18T15:39:00.000-06:00

my thumb runs across the cool metal. it hisses and light flickers. deep breath in. deep breath out. smoke flows from my soul and i tilt my head back, eyes wide shut.

i text my current thing, and a few other random guys. replies bounce back. there is life out there. i need to be a part of it. something is telling me to get my ass out of the house. it's cold, but i wanna ride... listen to music. i need to make a cd. i need a fountain coke.

caffeine is calling. hot tea is not cutting it. that's what i'm telling myself. i know the real reason i wanna leave the house... i wanna hear music and nothing else. me. the road. new mixtape.

11:03

2009-11-18T13:54:00.000-06:00

i shower and try to clear my head. i breath in the hot, wet steam of my shower, close my eyes and let the pulsing streams fall on my skin. my shower smells like peppermint shampoo and my head is dizzy with the thoughts i'm trying to drown. for a second my thoughts drift to memories of yesterday when he was here... the way he smelled, the way his skin felt, the way my body quaked and shivered.... wait. this is what i'm not supposed to be thinking about. i'm supposed to be over him. i haven't slept with him in two months. i was doing so good. now, i'm a mess. i swallow hard and wipe my face. i can't let this happen again. i can't get wrapped up in it. i'm addicted to him, and even one small dose, one deep inhale of his scent, one stroke from his fingers on my bare skin, one soft touch of his lips on my.... *snaps out of it*. i have to give myself rules. i must think about something else. anything else.

Rule #1 No listening to slow music. Slow music led to this melt down.

Rule #2 I will not touch myself while replaying the whole ordeal in my head, over and over. this proved difficult yesterday.

Rule #3 I will force myself to throw the curtains open, turn the lights on all over the house and avoid a dark, depressing environment.

Rule #4 I will NOT call him.

I step out of the shower and the cold air slaps me in the face... every drop of water left on my body feels like ice on my skin. a cold shock back into reality. i grab my towel and dry off. my day starts over now.

Divorce Cakes

2009-09-18T00:30:00.000-05:00

Clarity

2009-09-08T12:29:00.000-05:00

The property of being clear or transparent.

Clarity refers to one's ability to clearly visualize an object or concept.

The Zen concept of 'no mind', or other terms denoting general clear and unperplexed cognition.

Anyone who speaks to me regularly knows that I've been on a hiatus, of sorts. Thankfully, my hiatus has been more of a journey... a coming to terms with things and people in my life.

I needed a break. I needed the time to focus on me and to get back to who I am... and to also redefine who I am. It has been years since I've felt like myself. To be exact, it has been four years since Hurricane Katrina and four years since I've felt like myself.

2005 was a hell of a year. Within three months I lost my little sister, my first home and everything I owned in Katrina, a relationship of five years.... and the most important person in my life, my Dad.

When you lose so much at one time, and so many things that are such a big part of you..... the feeling of lost doesn't even begin to cover it. I had no idea who I was without my career, my home, my family, the love of my life and the town that held all my memories.

In this time of trouble, I made a bad decision. I chose to avoid getting to know me. In fact, I've put it off for four years. Instead, I chose to throw myself head-first into worrying about what everyone else needed. I invested all of my energy in other people. Mainly the father of my child and my most recent ex. I allowed myself to be abused, used and let them control me to the point that it was impossible to be myself on any level.

I also had Olivia. She's the biggest blessing in my life, but as any mother knows... having a child completely redefines who you are on so many levels.

Needless to say... All of these things only added to the the cloudiness and muddled mess that became my mind. I've kept myself above water.... mentally, emotionally and physically.... but its been a long time since I've thrived.

Anyway... It finally hit me like a ton of bricks. I finally got to a point where I knew that something had to change. There were things that I needed to make peace with, there were things I needed to let go, and things that I need to discover.

I forgot where I came from and what makes me whole. I put so much energy into some areas of my life and completely neglected so many others. I was off balance.... bad.

So, I took a deep breath, breathed a huge sigh of relief, felt the weight of the world lift off my shoulders, weeded out the people who I was allowing to hold me back, partnered with the friends that make me stronger and who can help me remember who I am... and for the first time in a long time.... I saw things for what they really are.... with complete clarity.

I'm back to being me.

Love ~ Worship ~ Don't Leave Home Without

2009-07-23T04:13:00.000-05:00

1. Laptop

2. Mignon Faget Jewelry

3. My David Yurman Ring

4. My Cell. Of course.

5. Tortoise Shell Bangle Bracelet.

6. NARS blush in color Deep Throat.

7. Dolce and Gabbana Sunglasses. (J'adore Dior too!)

8. My Burberry Bag. I just can't leave it alone.

9. OPI Nail Polish (smokin' in havana)

10. The Body Shop - Neroli Jasmine Spray

11. Carol's Daughter Ecstasy Body Butter

12. Month at a Glance Calendar. I'd be lost without it.

13. Barrettes (Juicy couture barrette fanatic)

14. Urban Decay - Midnight Cowgirl Eyeshadow

15. Super Volume Mascara. I look asleep without it.

16. Abercrombie 8 Perfume. (I know, I need to let it go)

17. MAC Lip Glass. The end all.

Ten Things I Love About Summer

2009-07-16T19:11:00.000-05:00

1. The World Smells Like Coconut.

2. Sno - Cones

3. Fireworks

4. Convertibles

5. NFL Training Camp --- Football is right around the corner.

6. Frozen Drinks

7. Flip Flops

8. Swimming ... pool or the beach, it doesn't matter.

9. Sunglasses

10. Grilling.

10 Beds I Wanna "Sleep" In

2009-07-06T21:21:00.000-05:00

brings a whole new meaning to wet sheets, doesn't it??

Oh, c'mon now! Everyone has to try the sleezy heart shaped bed once!

I'm not sure the Rotating bed wouldn't make me sea sick, but I'm willing to try!

I know I couldn't handle sleeping on the actual sand, but I think I could handle this.

I know... but something kinda naughty about a girly/princess/silky/canopy bed =)

BUT FIRST .. I need to know how sturdy that chandelier is.... jussayin.

I'm betting this is a lot easier on the knees than the regular bath/shower thing.

It's just cool.

Fit for a king... and his queen ;)

It's the interior designer in me.... I love this headboard and I wonder what building those windows face???

10 Red Flags for Cheaters

2009-07-06T08:54:00.000-05:00

"Come home late. It seems you barely beat the sun. Tappin' my shoulder, thinking you gon' get you some. Smellin' like some fragrance that I don't even wear. If you want some lovin', I suggest you go back there."

1. Strange Cell Phone Habits

Is his phone locked all of a sudden? Are there a million numbers with names you've never heard of?? (Slim, Moonbeam, VW, or the ever popular "unnamed") Does he take all his phone calls outside or to the other room?? Or just plain put it on silent?? Leave it in the car to charge all night cuz he "lost his house charger again"?? cheater.

2. Gossip.

I know, men are cringing right now. I'm not by any means saying listen to all gossip.... there are plenty of haters and cock-blockers out there. We all know this.... but when your five best girlfriends all saw him with the same bitch at the mall, out to dinner and at the club. Listen. Please don't fall for the much used "she's just a friend, it was my sister, your friends are hating and just wanna fuck me" That Ciara "So what" philosophy only goes so far.

3. Repetitive Date.

Aww... how sweet.. He took you to your favorite restaurant... AGAIN. Cuz it's "your spot"?? Maybe... or maybe its because he doesn't wanna chance running into someone else. If he steers clear of a certain side of town or won't go to certain places for no good reason... you can bet she or her friends work or live near there.

4. Unusual Shower Habits

Lucky you, your man always smells zestfully fresh. LMAO. If he comes home and jumps right in the shower, raise your eyebrow girlfriend. Unless he's coming from the gym, this behavior isn't normal. I mean, yeah.. a guys gotta shower... but if he showered right before he left and just "feels like his nuts are sweaty" after playing PS3 with his boys... go ahead and slap him now. You have my permission.

5. Odd Items

You've never seen those panties before. He swears they're yours. You aren't crazy, he's full of it. This also goes for random earrings and tubes of lipgloss.

6. New (additional) Grooming Habits

Aside from scrubbing himself raw... If he's taken a sudden interest in wearing new cologne, buying new boxers, or dressing differently... you have reason for suspicion.

7. MIA

He went to the gas station for a cigar and he's been gone for two hours?? In your car???... AND he can't answer his phone?? Man, fuck that dude. I hate that dude. He can die. Let's make a deal with God that he can give Michael Jackson back and take that asshole instead. SMFH. (this also goes for Mr. "I'm on my way".. and shows up four hours later.

8. Lipstick on the Collar.

It's a classic. No explanation needed.

9. Cell Phone Records and Credit Card Bills.

CLARIFICATION: Unless they are in BOTH of your names... you don't TECHNICALLY have a right to look at these and ALL arguments will be nullified by your lack of respect for his privacy ... (the same could be said for his actual cell phone)

BUT... if you just so happen to see it.... cuz he left it on his desk... Muthafucka, that shit was fair game....

10. Guy Time

He's suddenly with his friends all the time. And what more? Apparently you've been together for three years and "don't know these guys".... It's probably because they don't exist... and if you have been together for three years and haven't met his friends... rest assured, you are NOT the only one.

Circle Of Friends

2009-07-01T22:13:00.000-05:00

GIRLS IN MY CIRCLE

When I was little,

I used to believe in the concept of one best friend,

And then I started to become a woman.

And then I found out that if you allow your heart to open up,

God would show you the best in many friends.

One friend is needed when you're going through things with your man.

Another friend is needed when you're going through things with your mom.

Another will sit beside you in the bleachers as you delight in your children and their activities. Another when you want to shop, share, heal, hurt, joke, or just be.

One friend will say, 'Let's cry together,'

Another , 'Let's fight together,'

Another , 'Let's walk away together.'

One friend will meet your spiritual need,

Another your shoe fetish,

Another your love for movies,

Another will be with you in your season of confusion,

Another will be your clarifier,

Another the wind beneath your wings.

But whatever their assignment in your life,

On whatever the occasion,

On whatever the day,

Or wherever you need them to meet you with their gym shoes on and

hair pulled back,

Or to hold you back from making a complete fool of yourself .

Those are your best friends.

It may all be wrapped up in one woman, But for many, it's wrapped up in several..

One from 7th grade,

One from high school,

Several from the college years,

A couple from old jobs,

On some days your mother,

On some days your neighbor,

On others, your sisters,

And on some days, your daughters.

Thanks for being in my circle.

Ten Ways to Feel Instantly Fabulous

2009-06-14T23:32:00.000-05:00

1. Feathers.

Obviously most women can't pull of a boa in broad daylight, but I make them work when possible. Like on the ends of ink pens and these fabulous peacock earrings that I got from Urban Outfitters.

2. Animal Print.

Not fur, but animal print. It makes things instantly sexier. I'm an interior designer, and I love throwing in animal print where you'd least expect it (leopard print staircases), It's also fabulous to wear it where it's a secret. I have about ten pair of animal print underwear.

3. Perfume.

I make most of my own perfume, by mixing perfume oils. There is no more fabulous way to store it than in vintage crystal perfume bottles.

4. Pearls.

All fabulous women wear pearls, end of story.

5. Vintage Crystal Headbands.

Ok, the real answer here is a tiara... but that usually only works if you have an excuse (like your birthday, your bachelorette party, and maybe New Years). So, instead I love vintage crystal headbands.

6. Glitter and Sparkle.

Again, a FINE LINE between Halloween and making this work. I save it mostly for evening... sequined clutches, FINE body glitter (you aren't 13), and sparkly earrings.

7. Champagne.

I know a nice glass of wine is good and relaxing, but we're talking about being FABULOUS here. Champagne is necessary. Get yourself some cute glasses to drink it from and some gourmet chocolates, and voila!

8. Petit fours.

Cupcakes are cute, but petit fours are fabulous. Don't believe me... make the switch. Something about cute mini cakes in adorable little boxes... instant fab. Olivia and I's favorite treat!

9. Bubble Baths.

But not JUST bubble baths. You must have fabulous bath products. My favorites are Carol's Daughter and Dirty Girl products.

10.Stilettos.

Surprise! I know... but there's just something about them. They make even the most mundane tasks totally glam... like doing the dishes. And I have NEVER had a boyfriend complain about me dusting in boy shorts and stilletos.

For The Ladies

2009-06-12T22:16:00.000-05:00

Follow Friday

2009-06-11T22:09:00.000-05:00

As the hours get late on Thursday, I realize that tomorrow is Friday.... Oh, but not just Friday.... It's Follow Friday .... better known as #followfriday. Yes, I'm a Twitter addict.

When I first started Twitter, I loooved #followfriday. I met lots of new and interesting people and my follower count grew exponentially. Then I would spend the next week getting to know those new people who in turn introduced me to new and exciting people the next Friday.

Then something changed. Maybe it was Ashton or Oprah or God knows what else that we could blame it on, but something happened to #followfriday. It happened over the course of the past month and a half. I have yet to put my finger on what happened, but it's just not the same.

Maybe it's me.... maybe the novelty wore off... but no, because I'm not the only person who feels this way. I have friends who WON'T twitter on Friday anymore... just because of #followfriday.

It totally consumes Twitter. There is no regular Twitter on Friday anymore.

Everyone is suggesting and suggesting and suggesting and nobody is following. Sure, your follower count grows a little, but not like it did before. Everyone is too busy talking and nobody is listening. I think there are two main issues.

1. I think that there is an overwhelming sense of guilt among people. Everyone is too worried that somebody is going to get their feelings hurt if you don't recommend them. To the point that we are recommending almost EVERYONE who follows us. That doesn't work.

2. I think at the same time, everyone is out for themselves. The constant RTs are killing me. People are RTing every Tweet they see their name in.... in turn, recommending people they probably don't even follow!!! How are you gonna recommend somebody you don't even follow??

Anyway... I'm no expert... I don't know what to do to fix it. I brought this up on Twitter last Friday and got a lot of good responses. I asked what can we do to make #followfriday better. Here are some of the answers I got....

1. Follow People.

The Point of #followfriday is not to gain followers... it is to meet new people. With the way Twitter has been putting everybody in the slammer this week, you should be locked out for at least one hour tomorrow. Use this time to follow interesting people and not to tweet.

2. Write Recommendations.

Instead of writing a list of people to follow that looks like this:

#followfriday @Hail_Mary_Jane @LordLike @Aftashok @SKORPIOLOVE @girlrokkstarr @jawar @BossTycoonLZ @IamMrBloom @PrincessPayne

Try writing one like this: #followfriday @Hail_Mary_Jane He's one of the funniest guys on Twitter and one of the first people I followed. He runs a great site on sports news, urban trends and marijuana news.

Give them a reason to follow the person that you are suggesting. It's two-fold. It tells the person you are recommending what you value about them, and it helps make your tweet stand out among the lists of names. They are more likely to be followed this way.

3. Sort.

If you don't feel like you have time to write about each person, at least categorize the people you are recommending. Try grouping them by things they have in common... like music, sports, location, or other common interests. i.e.

#followfriday MOMMYS: @BishImmaStar @WildFlowerSweet @HildaG420 @IdkDivas @MissJo_Jo @DaYziEbAbY

4. Follow One.

For every tweet that lists your name, follow one new person from that list. It's that simple... just a little rule to keep you following new people.... and to make the cycle keep happening so that everybody grows.

5. Clusters.

This will be something new that I am trying tomorrow. I will be Tweeting individuals directly, and recommending that they follow specific people that I think they would truly enjoy. I.e.

@StraitJigg #followfriday Did you know that @Aftahok @IamMrBloom @NolaUptowner @JaySkillz and @NewOrleans7 are all Louisiana people too??? Follow Them

Granted, its a little more aggressive of a tactic... but I'm gonna try it.

Anyway... Comments are open, let's see what we can do to fix this shit.

Twitter County Jail

2009-06-11T01:01:00.001-05:00

5 Leading Ladies

2009-06-09T23:33:00.000-05:00

1. Sophia Loren - "If you haven't cried, your eyes can't be beautiful. "

2. Marilyn Monroe - "I don't know who invented high heels, but all women owe him a lot."

3. Coco Chanel - “A women who doesn't wear perfume has no future.”

4. Audrey Hepburn - “There are certain shades of limelight that can wreck a girl's complexion”

5. Billie Holiday- "If I don't have friends, then I ain't got nothing."

Top 5 Ways NOT To Handle a Break-Up

2009-06-08T20:59:00.000-05:00

5. Stalking.

We get it. We've been together for a couple of years and you know the routine. This does not give you license to show up places where you know I'll be. You didn't play pool at the bar on Wednesdays the whole time we were together, but now your friends just insisted on coming here tonight? Not buying it.

4. Property Destruction.

Oh girl, trust me... I know. You sooo wanna see that stupid project car he spent every fucking Saturday of your relationship working on with it's windshield busted out, it's tires slashed, and SORRY BASTARD keyed into the hood. 28 inch rims don't look good on flat, do they bitch??? Still... not worth it. The legal repercussions are too much to consider this option. Nobody else could have done it, and one of his friends WILL lie and say they saw you do it. Don't.

3. Buying 'Em Back With Presents

Or worse... burning them a sappy cd of all the songs that remind you of them. There is nothing more pathetic than finding something on your windshield with an "I miss you" note. Don't buy gifts, don't offer to pay their bills, or give them an engagement ring. Save your money to buy your ass some dignity.

2. Private Calls

I never got a private call before we broke up, and now I get six per day. I wonder who it could be? It's not a bill collector heavy breathing in the phone at 2 am. Again, charges can be pressed... or she'll end up changing her number and then you can't even call her if you REALLY do need her. Move along.

1. Faking a Pregnancy.

Bitch, please. You had unprotected sex for two years without getting knocked up by this guy and three days after your break-up you "think you're pregnant" You are the reason women get a bad rap. Kill yourself.... before you have to make up another lie about having a miscarriage or and abortion.

Silent Treatment

2009-06-08T13:12:00.000-05:00

Apparently I'm getting the silent treatment at work today from this guy. I'm pretty damn sure that I didn't do anything. Last time I saw him was Saturday, and all was fine... but first thing this morning... silent treatment. For a minute I sat, racking my brain wondering what I could possibly have done.

I came to the conclusion that it didn't matter if I've done anything or not. This guy is an idiot. I have yet to see him handle a conflict in a positive manner. He's a hot-head... he flies of the handle about every little thing. He's always threatening to quit. He got in a screaming match with another employee just last month.

How do some people end up with such a lack of coping skills? How do you end up 38 years old and giving someone the silent treatment? What's next??? Will he be passing messages through other co-workers? I can see it now "Luke, will you please ask Kat if she's done with the cost book?"

Grrr.... I can handle a lot of things (losing my little sister, father, house and car to a hurricane, career and relationship all within six months) but immaturity I have a hard time with. How do I respond? My immature inner child tells me to give him the silent treatment too. The boss in me reminds me that I am his boss and that I could reprimand this behavior.

The reality is he doesn't respect me because I'm younger than him. I've been dealing with this problem in management for ten years now, and somehow I'm still always younger than the people who work for me. The hot-head in ME wants to remind him that I have more formal education, management experience, and job experience in this field than he does.... but, instead I decide that our actions speak for themselves, respectively.

His review will be here soon enough and the weight of my opinion in this company will speak for itself then. So, I'm going to be mature and wait this one out.... but that doesn't mean I won't be daydreaming about putting thumb tacks in his chair.

Lima Beans & 5 Other Reasons to Be Single

2009-06-07T18:07:00.000-05:00

I am adjusting to being single. I haven't been single in ... well, eight years. As I sat staring into my cabinets tonight, it struck me. I can have whatever I want for dinner. I don't have to worry about what anybody else wants. So, I decided that I would eat lima beans and nothing else for dinner. I love lima beans and I haven't eaten them in probably two years. The last trip to the grocery store I bought lima beans intending to force Olivia to eat them, but no... this was a better use of them. I celebrated. I threw them in with a little butter, some evoo, chicken buillon, salt and pepper... and I ate the whole bowl. Then I got to thinking.... what other benefits are there to being single?? I used my Twitter family as a sounding board... and suddenly.... single ain't lookin' so bad....

1. You get the whole bed to yourself... and all the pillows too. I'll admit, the first few nights in the bed alone are lonely.... but the first time you come home dead-ass tired and collapse in the middle of the bed, sprawled out and fall fast asleep.... the grass starts to look a little greener.

2. Nobody else is gonna eat the last piece of cake..... or drink the last Coke... or use the last of the toilet paper.... You can leave something somewhere... and it's gonna be right there when you come back. No notes, no reminding them it's for the birthday party at work. Your fridge, and everything else in your house belongs solely to you again.

3. Time with your friends. Hell, time for anything you wanna do with your time. Let's face it... relationships are time killers. They take a signifcant, ridiculous amount of time. Now... I plan on having drinks with friends, working out, playing with Olivia more, hell.... maybe I'll even learn another language.

4. Money. The reality is, single people live cheaper. You aren't responsible for anyone else's mess....you don't have to buy Christmas or birthday presents for them or their family....their credit and late bills don't effect you....you get out of spending money on Valentine's day... save it or pamper yourself with it.. either way, you're coming out ahead.

5. You don't have to answer the phone. Go ahead, hit decline. And what's better than that?? You don't owe them an explanation either. You aren't accountable to anyone. Welcome to freedom. I am single, and I'll do what the fuck I want... thank you very much.

Ten Mixtapes I'm Listening to This Week

2009-06-07T15:25:00.000-05:00

1. Young Dro - Notorious L.A. Dro

2. Gucci Mane - Writing on The Wall

3. Young Jeezy - Trappin' Ain't Dead

4. Juicy J - Realest in the Game

5. Tapemasters Inc - Codeine Hitz 6

6. T.I. - A Year and A Day

7. Young Buck - Back on My Buck Shit

8. The Future of R&B Volume 26

9. Pleasure P - The Introduction of Marcus Cooper

10. R. Kelly - The Demo Tape

www.datpiff.com

Amazing Fruit Sculptures

2009-06-07T12:22:00.000-05:00

DumDums

2009-06-07T03:28:00.000-05:00

Dum dums have come a long way.

I don't know how many of you have a had a dum dum in recent years, but they've come a long way. It was once an item reserved for eating out of courtesy for the bank teller that gave it to you.

Not anymore.

I know this because I've been feasting on nothing but dum dums and smokehouse jalapeno almonds today.

There is a world of new flavors available, turns out. I have decided that my favorites are cotton candy, coconut and mango. I'm impressed.

So, next time you're at the bank... I suggest shuffling the teller's basket around a little and seeing what flavors surface.

Daycare Loans

2009-06-07T03:03:00.000-05:00

Work has been crazy busy lately. While it feels good to be in such high demand, I am exhausted. I hate working long hours and being away from Olivia. I wish I could stay home with her all day everyday. I've done the math and it isn't possible! I've done some other interesting math lately...

Do you people realize how much daycare costs??? It costs more to put your child in daycare than it does to send them to most in state colleges. With all the talk about education and saving for college I can't help but scoff. People have 18 years to plan and save to send a child to college and nine months to figure out how to pay for daycare. I want daycare loans. I hope whoever is reading this truly knows my sarcastic nature.... Obviously paying for daycare isn't my biggest expense.. but it sure would make the payment on the new Jaguar I'm wanting these days....

Story of My Life

2009-06-07T02:56:00.000-05:00

Not only do I appreciate this, I am considering deleting my entire blog as this could serve as the story of my life.

Open Toed Show Pledge

2009-06-07T01:39:00.000-05:00

The Open Toed Shoe Pledge

As a member of the Cute Girl Sisterhood, I pledge to follow the Rules when wearing sandals and other open-toe shoes:

I promise to always wear sandals that fit.

My toes will not hang over and touch the ground, nor will my heels spill over the backs. And the

sides and tops of my feet will not pudge out between the straps.

I will go polish-free or vow to keep the polish fresh, intact and chip-free.

I will not cheat and just touch up my big toe.

I will sand down any mounds of skin before they turn hard and yellow.

I will shave the hairs off my big toe.

I won't wear pantyhose even if my misinformed girlfriend, coworker, mother, sister tells me the toe seam really will stay under my toes if I tuck it there.

If a strap breaks, I won't duct-tape, pin, glue or tuck it back into place hoping it will stay put. I will get my shoe fixed or toss it.

I will not live in corn denial; rather I will lean on my good friend Dr. Scholl's if my feet need him.

I will resist the urge to buy jelly shoes at Payless for the low, low price of $4.99 even if my feet are small enough to fit into the kids' sizes. This is out of concern for my safety, and the safety of others. No one can walk properly when standing in a pool of sweat and I would hate to take someone down with me as I fall and break my ankle.

I will take my toe ring off toward the end of the day if my toes swell and begin to look like Vienna sausages.

I will be brutally honest with my girlfriend/sister/coworker when she asks me if her feet are too ugly to wear sandals. Someone has to tell her that her toes are as long as my fingers and no sandal makes creepy feet look good.

I will promise if I wear flip flops that I will ensure that they actually flip and flop, making the correct noise while walking and I will swear NOT to slide or drag my feet while wearing them.

I will promise to go to my local nail salon at least once per season and have a real pedicure (they are about $15 or 20 and worth EVERY penny).

I will promise to throw away any white/off-white sandals that show signs of wear... nothing is tackier than dirty white sandals.

Wine & Cheese, Time For Me

2009-06-06T23:13:00.000-05:00

So, for those of you who are following my attempt to re-enter the dating world, it is important to note the events of yesterday. I found out "wine and cheese" is married. I know, I couldn't believe it either. I finally make an attempt to date a "better caliber" of a man, and this is what happens?!?! I've been shaking my head for 24 hrs straight.

The funny thing is, I don't even care. No, I don't mean I am going to keep seeing him. I mean it didn't even really phase me. I'm not all that surprised. I didn't cry. I'm not angry or hostile. In fact, mostly.... I've laughed. I'm officially jaded. I'm numb. I've been hurt and knocked down and scorned to the point where I've hit rock bottom.

And I'm okay with that. I feel resolved. I feel wise and like I've been through it all. I'm resilient, and I feel empowered.

I know that now is not the time for love for me. Now is the time for me to focus on Olivia and my career. Its time to spend time with her that I can never get back. Its not time to worry about pleasing another person or working dating into my already chaotic schedule.

I jumped back in too soon. I didn't even test the water. So, for now... you can find me in the shallow end with Olivia... splashing in our floatees. And who knows... maybe sometime towards the end of the summer I'll skim the dating pool with my big toe... just to test the waters.